“Everyone gives what he has.”
- From Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse
“My starter won’t start this mornin’ /
boy and my motor won’t even turn.”
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I’m just going to put it out there. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. So bear with me while I try to talk this one out a little. There’s only so much time in the day. With all the responsibilities of business and life, the days feel even shorter still. Factor in, oh say, any news publication’s homepage, and it’s enough to make you want to turn the volume knob all the way to the left. We live in a culture of “more.” Businesses are pressured to sell more. Consumers to buy more. Individuals to do more and “make” more. And so on and so on. The notion that each individual is responsible for themselves, that you’re “on your own,” is one that often feels underlying in our culture, and one that has been laid bare even more during the COVID-19 pandemic, as much of what we considered our “safety nets,” have fizzled away. But the rent is still due. Food still costs money. Bills still pile up. It’s hard to resist an ultra-individualistic way of thinking when the pressure to earn is so high and when people are depending on you, and you don’t want to let them down. I can tell you that I have experienced my fair share of days this year that are simply paralyzing to no end. The pressure is higher and the bandwidth is lower. Try to work, can’t think, get up, try to reset, sit down again, repeat, repeat, until the day is over. You try to start the engine and it just doesn’t ignite. Feeling like the pressure is too much, like the world is broken beyond repair, and if it is repairable, I can’t find the tools. “It’s ok to feel that way,” I keep reminding myself. “Give your feelings the space they deserve,” as a friend once told me. “You have to persist, persist, persist, and continue to get up in the morning, no matter,” I can hear my Father’s voice in my head. While these things do work, and things will be ok, that doesn’t always mean that the volume of the moment is not excruciatingly high. One of the silver linings to feeling like the world is crumbling around you is that it gives you more seemingly existential moments to ask yourself, “What the heck is going on here, and what does it all really mean?” One thing I’ve been trying to digest, and that I’ve found very helpful, is to let go of the notion that anything is going to perfect, that anything is ever going to be enough. It’s never perfect, and it’s never enough. Easier said than done, but if I can embrace that truth at least 2 or 3 times out of 10, it is immensely liberating and leads to significantly higher productivity. Give what you can, if you have it, to who you think could use it. A virtual hug, a phone call, a text message saying “I’ve got your back, and it’s going to be ok. I’m here for you,” “sending love,” a salami, some muffins, a few beers, a ride somewhere, a book recommendation, a verbal, emotional, or physical token - with a mask, a deep breath, an open heart, and some hand sanitizer in tow. |
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